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Beyond Words: The Crucial Role of Parent-Child Conversations

Written by Heartscape Psychology Intern, Valeree Soh


Recently, the term “yapping” has gained an increasing amount of attention on social media, particularly amongst youths and young adults. In simple terms, to “yap” basically means to be talking excessively, about everything or nothing, for an extended period of time. 


In a similar fashion, does it seem like children “yap” all the time too? Parents, caregivers, and people who work with children, often describe them as having an endless amount of energy. Their exuberance and joy are infectious, and they share this through talking about every aspect of their lives. They talk non-stop, and are able to go on and on about their day, and occasionally have a continuous stream of questions that leave adults too tired to keep up. Yet, this seemingly never-ending talking of theirs cannot be grouped under the same category as “yapping”. On social media, the term fondly refers to a (grown) person who does not know when to stop talking or keep quiet. To children however, talking aloud is their way of learning about and navigating the world. 


Communication offers children exposure to language, fostering the pick-up of and development of language (Cattani et al., 2014; Hurtado et al., 2008). Talking more can aid in the understanding of words and the complexities of how language is used, and this leads to rapid growth in the child’s language abilities. Imagine language as a trampoline. Every new conversation adds vocabulary, grammar, contextual clues, etc. The more children hear these words spoken, the quicker they acquire language. These propel the children further in their abilities to think, process, and connect with others. Using the trampoline metaphor, the more “language” they acquire, the higher they jump. In fact, language is a stepping stone to developing empathy (Harris, 2005). More importantly, when adults talk with children about emotions, they facilitate emotional understanding and development. In time, children will acquire increased abilities to regulate their emotions and behaviours (Eisenberg et al., 2005) which is something we are keen to see.


It then comes as no surprise that language and mental health are related. As children, those who are unable to express themselves verbally often demonstrate behavioural misconduct instead. Research has indicated that children and adolescents who have disordered language development are negatively impacted in the long run. Not only are they more likely to have poor performance at school (Bakopoulou & Dockrell, 2016), unemployment as adults (Law et al., 2009) is a possibility as well. This is not to say that not having good conversations with your children will result in a disordered language development. All I’m trying to illustrate is that there is a link between language and mental health, and life outcomes. The relationship between language and mental health is significant. Being able to communicate one’s needs enables them to acquire the help they require. If these children grow up being unable to have these conversations about their feelings and emotions due to the lack of space given to them to share, or restricted language abilities, they will not receive the support they need. 


We know it might be difficult sometimes, but we have to be intentional about striking up conversations with children. Here are some ways you might engage them:


  1. Ask open-ended questions

Try not to simply ask questions like “Have you eaten?” or “Did you have fun at school today?” These lead you to “Yes” or “No” answers, which does not help the child to pause and reflect. We want them to use their words to communicate with us! 


  1. Use conversation cards/prompts 

Aim to use tools that prompt conversations about feelings with children. This could range from teaching them to identify the emotions they are feeling, to learning how to manage their emotions. 


  1. Actively listen to what they are sharing

Active listening involves listening, but also accurately responding to what your conversation partner is saying. The adult in this case should listen to the child, and respond, reflect, and retain what is being said. This clears the way for follow-up questions to lengthen conversations. 


Parents, caregivers, those who work with children, let’s take the time to have conversations with them. In order to have lasting, and trusting, relationships with children, we have to learn to hold space for them to be vulnerable in sharing. The first step is to build the culture of having mundane, everyday conversations. Start with something like, “How’s school?” or “How was your day?” If you are having difficulty thinking of what to talk to children about, here are some prompts you can consider:

  1. What made you smile today?

  2. Tell me about the book you are reading.

  3. Is there something you learnt today that made you excited?

  4. What do you dream of doing when you grow up?

  5. Who did you spend time with today, and what did you do together?



Remember! We want to talk with them, not to them. A conversation is a two-way street, otherwise, it’s just a monologue. The more we interact with the children, the more words they hear and process, thus setting the stage for stronger language acquisition. This translates to them being better able to communicate any potential needs, mental health or otherwise, in the future. As parents or the support system of the child, this facilitates our ability to meet them where they are at. 


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best best best

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