Queen of Tears: Traversing Health Challenges with Hope and Resilience
- Heartscape Psychology
- May 19, 2024
- 5 min read
by Heartscape Psychology Intern, Valeree Soh
Bad news is well… As the name suggests, bad. However, bad news specific to one’s health is worse.
Disclaimer: This article contains spoilers.
In this second and final blogpost in our Queen of Tears series, we discuss and analyse how the main character, Hong Haein, receives, deals with, and accepts her diagnosis.
There was this scene (actually, kind of like a double scene) in one of the first few episodes of Queen of Tears. From Baek Hyunwoo’s point of view, he was waiting for the elevator to arrive, on his way to escape what seemed like a difficult situation for him. This is when Hong Haein comes up to him at the lift, and tells him to accompany her somewhere. He adamantly refused, saying that he refuses to go anywhere with her. In another episode, Hong Haein’s perspective was shown. She not only appeared to be hesitant in asking, but also worried about what her doctor had to say about her condition. To Haein, Hyunwoo failed to notice her vulnerability.
Thus began Haein’s journey to the doctor, where she received the bad news alone. Honestly, it seemed like she was pretty much in shock and possibly accepting of her doctor’s opinion that her disease was incurable and she only had three months to live. However, when she saw how much Hyunwoo (allegedly) cared for her survival and life, she was determined to live.
Her vigour for life was restored. She planned to invest funds so research labs overseas could quicken the process of clinical trials targeted at treating the specific disorder that she has. Most people probably lack the capacity to do so, and this “step” was simply meant to emphasise how much she wanted to live. Even if there was only one person in her life who cared enough that she might die in three months. For those of us lucky enough to have loved ones care so much about us, I expect that their love and hope would also serve the same function as Hyunwoo’s concern for Haein should we fall seriously ill. The fact that family members and friends are so desperate for us to live would probably spur us on to obtain treatment, and ignite our own desperation to live. Yet, I understand that not everyone is fortunate to have a supportive community. In cases such as this, I implore you to consider the value of your own life. Regardless of religion, values, or beliefs, you are an individual with the right to live. Perhaps you have not had the chance to build this community due to your life circumstances, but that does not equate to having a meaningless, non-valued life. Value yourself, for yourself!
Eventually, Haein accepts her diagnosis. There was no suitable treatment that was win-win, and she began to see that there was no way out of this. She either loses her long-term memory with treatment, or dies without it. She wrestled with this decision for a while–with God, with Hyunwoo, with her family. There were tears, frustration, and ultimately, peace. In my opinion, Haein was settled with her decision to die because she refused to lose who she was as a person, and all her memories. Yet, she proceeded with the treatment after seeing how much losing her would affect Hyunwoo. In either case, acceptance was tinged with apprehension. That is definitely fathomable, as this was a life-changing decision.
Through this entire process of receiving, dealing, and accepting the diagnosis, it was clear that Haein’s poor medical diagnosis affected more than just her. Hyunwoo, in particular, could be seen to be increasingly devastated. Although he was initially delighted (not cool!), he began to remember how much he loved Haein. The more he remembered, the more worried and upset he became. Haein’s aunt, Beom Ja, inadvertently discovered her illness and was immediately distressed on Haein’s behalf and at the thought of losing her niece. She could be seen struggling to withhold Haein’s diagnosis from the family, and was also portrayed crying over the diagnosis multiple times. Hyunwoo’s mother was also shown crying at a corner of the kitchen for a long time after she found out. What I mean to say is that with any poor or mediocre medical results, many people are involved in the worrying, stressing, and emotional turbulence that ensues. The mental health of everyone connected might potentially be adversely affected.
Sometimes we see people falling into depression when faced with a poor medical diagnosis. Yet others are able to proceed with their usual routines with a ludicrous amount of peace and joy. You might pose these questions: Is there an acceptable amount of time to grieve a poor medical diagnosis? Must I be okay with it? The answers to these questions are yes and no, to an extent. Please take your time to grieve. However, we also suggest being proactive to take steps forward, rather than remaining in the depths of self-pity and wallowing. This does not mean that you must be okay with the diagnosis. It is a difficult piece of news to accept. There is no need for you to be okay with it.
In grief, there is still room for joy. Let us be intentional in enjoying the small things, and see the silver linings in our lives. Do you know the story of Pandora’s Box? If you have not heard of it, the rundown is that in times of great misfortunes, there is also hope. In a synthesis of review studies on hope in healthcare, Olsman (2020) posits three conceptualisations of hope which have tangible consequences. In particular, I focus on the conceptualisation of hope as resilience. This means that hope is used as a coping strategy to endure adversity. Confirming this, the effects of hope were found to be related to resilience. Additionally, Leamy et al. (2011) put forward the idea that hope is part of the transtheoretical model of change under the contemplation phase. Having hope very likely drives decisions, and change. Having hope through afflictions is paramount.
May you and your loved ones have hope that adversities can be overcome. Should they be insurmountable, hold their love for you closely to your heart, and know that you are not going through this alone.
References
Leamy, M., Bird, V., Boutillier, C. L., Williams, J., & Slade, M. (2011). Conceptual framework for personal recovery in mental health: Systematic review and narrative synthesis. British Journal of Psychiatry, 199(6), 445–452. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.bp.110.083733
Comentarios