The magnetic power of showing emotions as men - Elemental

Blogpost written by Heartscape Psychology Intern - Charmaine Chia

Elemental marks Disney's initial foray into the realm of Pixar romance, a departure from their usual repertoire of wholesome and comedic content. Intrigued by the shift in theme, I was eager to see how they would navigate the intricacies of romance, given their established penchant for light-hearted storytelling.

Contrary to my expectations, Elemental left a lasting impression on me, particularly through the character of Wade whom I came to adore. I must admit that I aspire to cultivate friendships or romantic relationships reminiscent of his character. With Men's Mental Health Month in mind, I find it fitting to emphasize the significance of embracing one's emotions, drawing inspiration from Wade's portrayal in Elemental.

As a man, societal expectations often dictate that one must exude masculinity, strength, and refrain from displaying vulnerability, including shedding tears. The prevalent notion of teasing, discouraging emotional expression with remarks like "don't be gay" or "big boys don't cry" further reinforces these stereotypes. However, Wade serves as a refreshing counterpoint. Throughout the series, he exhibits a willingness to openly express his emotions, particularly through tears. This departure from traditional expectations resonated with me, challenging preconceived notions of how a man should behave.

Three pivotal scenes stand out, highlighting the attractiveness of a man who wholeheartedly embraces his emotions. (Spoiler alert)

The first scene depicts Wade's initial encounter with Ember.

Overcome with emotion, he sheds tears while holding Ember's family portrait, expressing genuine sentiment about family bonds and acknowledging Ember's birthday (Figure 1). Witnessing a man openly cry and articulate his feelings about familial connections struck a chord with me. It contrasted with the conventional image of stoic male figures in my life, like my father or my guys’ friends, who seldom display such emotional vulnerability. Wade's portrayal served as a poignant reminder that it's okay for men to shed tears and openly express their emotions, even in response to the experiences of strangers.

Figure 1: Wade crying upon holding Embers’ family photo

During the second scene, Wade orchestrated a visit with Ember to the air stadium, home to the windbreakers' game, with the goal of locating Gale.

This mission aimed to prevent the closure of the Fire shop, an establishment built by Wade's father. Amidst the playoffs, Wade discerned a decline in the performance of Lutz, a player from the windbreakers' team. The audience resorted to booing Lutz for his apparent distraction. Notably, Wade chose not to join the chorus of disapproval. Instead, he displayed remarkable compassion, recognizing that Lutz's subpar performance stemmed from his mother's illness. (Figure 2 and 3)

What stood out even more was Wade's proactive encouragement of Lutz. In a touching display of support, Wade openly expressed his affection for Lutz, urging everyone else to cheer him on. (Figure 2 and 3) As a result of this collective encouragement, Lutz managed to elevate his game, scoring crucial points for the team. The magnetic quality of this scene lies in the ripple effect of compassion and encouragement, akin to the flow of water—a subtle pun, if you caught it. This, to me, serves as a symbol of strength, illustrating the capacity to emotionally impact others positively.

In fact, this scene embodies a demonstration of high emotional intelligence. As per Mayer et al. (2004), a facet of emotional intelligence involves the ability to influence others effectively with one's emotions. Contrary to misconceptions about showing emotions to someone being a weakness, it actually signifies a profound strength of character.

Figure 2 and 3: Wade acknowledging Lutz Struggles and getting the whole crowd to encourage Lutz

Lastly, I wanted to mention this conversation between Wade and Ember, because it underscores the potency of encouragement alongside a genuine acknowledgment of the challenges faced by the other person.

As Ember expresses self-doubt about her perceived lack of effort, Wade, rather than immediately offering solutions, takes the time to listen attentively before providing words of encouragement, acknowledging her efforts. (Figure 4 and 5) This dynamic is intriguing as it challenges the conventional stereotype suggesting that men primarily offer solutions to uplift others. It highlights that men can also serve as empathetic and encouraging companions.

It's worth noting that, despite the romantic context of the film, the dialogue in this scene may be misleading. However, the key takeaway is that a man doesn't necessarily have to harbor romantic feelings for someone to offer support during their difficult moments.

Lastly, I wanted to mention this conversation between Wade and Ember, because it underscores the potency of encouragement alongside a genuine acknowledgment of the challenges faced by the other person.

As Ember expresses self-doubt about her perceived lack of effort, Wade, rather than immediately offering solutions, takes the time to listen attentively before providing words of encouragement, acknowledging her efforts. (Figure 4 and 5) This dynamic is intriguing as it challenges the conventional stereotype suggesting that men primarily offer solutions to uplift others. It highlights that men can also serve as empathetic and encouraging companions.

It's worth noting that, despite the romantic context of the film, the dialogue in this scene may be misleading. However, the key takeaway is that a man doesn't necessarily have to harbor romantic feelings for someone to offer support during their difficult moments.

Figure 4 and 5: Wade and Embers’ conversation

In conclusion, my focus on Wade stems from the desire for everyone, not just men, to embrace their inner Wade and openly express their emotions. It's crucial to recognize that being emotional, shedding tears, and displaying vulnerability are not signs of weakness. Offering words of kindness and allowing oneself to be vulnerable should not be perceived as problematic. If you happen to be a sensitive man, that's perfectly acceptable; it signifies the ability to leverage emotional sensitivity to influence and attract others positively. According to (Tracy and Beall (2011)), among younger females, male vulnerability and expressions of shame are considered more attractive than expressions of happiness. Demonstrating emotions and vulnerability, especially in the presence of women, contributes to increased attractiveness.

I strongly encourage men to embrace their inner emotions and cultivate a willingness to discuss them openly. Admittedly, challenging gender expectations can be difficult, but I firmly believe that authenticity and emotional openness enhance attractiveness more than anything else.

References

Salovey P, Mayer J, Caruso D. Emotional intelligence: Theory, findings, and implications. Psychol Inq. 2004;15:197–215. [Google Scholar][Ref list]

Tracy, J. L., & Beall, A. T. (2011). Happy guys finish last: The impact of emotion expressions on sexual attraction. Emotion, 11(6), 1379–1387. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022902