Untangling Conversations and trauma dumping: Rethinking Trauma Sharing for Genuine Connection.

Written by Heartscape Psychology Intern, Charmaine Chia

Have you ever been caught off guard in a casual conversation, with a friend suddenly sharing deep struggles or a stranger revealing childhood mistreatment? Such situations can be overwhelming, prompting reflection on the concept of trauma dumping.

According to Lam (2024), trauma dumping involves unloading emotional baggage onto others without considering their capacity to handle it. I've realized the importance of being mindful in conversations, avoiding the trap of assuming others can bear the weight of my experiences. Conversations should not solely focus on the speaker; considering the listener's feelings is crucial. 

To make conversations empowering, be deliberate, conscious, and avoid trauma dumping. This practice can damage relationships as listeners feel burdened with solving the speaker's issues (Lam, 2024). It's challenging not to feel responsible when friends share traumatizing experiences, but sometimes just listening without pressure to fix is more helpful. A lot of times your presence is enough to make the person feel better. In the past, I do have friends who share experiences where it is quite traumatic to me and it’s quite painful to see them suffering. I tried to help them by responding and empathizing with their experience. However, over the years, I find it easier to just stay silent and be there for them, rather than being proactive responding to them

For those prone to trauma dumping, set realistic expectations and understand that others aren't obligated to fix your problems. Regular check-ins create a balanced exchange, making conversations comfortable for both parties. For example, halfway through the conversation, you can ask “I have shared that this particular incident overwhelmed me psychologically. How would you feel in my situation?” When sharing personal experiences, proactively approach others, inquire about their emotional availability, and ensure they are prepared to listen. For example, ask, "I wanted to share something that has affected me for a while. Would you be emotionally available at this particular time to listen?"

In conclusion, conversations revolving around trauma can be quite overwhelming, so open communication about needs is crucial. You need to let your friends/family know what you need when you share this experience, whether you need a solution or a listening ear. If not, they would be confused and not sure how to help you. Likewise, the listener also needs to be honest if they are not emotionally available to hear the experience. 

Friends and family may not be equipped to fix all issues, making mental health professionals a valuable option. Friends and family members are not “Bob the builders”, when you ask them whether they can fix your problems, they are definitely not the people that can say “yes we can” confidently. They may not be able to fix all your issues, so seeking support from mental health professionals can be another option to consider. They are trained to handle traumatic content and they can work through your situation with you. 

If you find yourself consistently trauma dumping, consider seeking help from a psychologist or therapist. Our professionals at admin@heartscapepsychology.com can provide a second opinion and support your journey to finding solutions.

References

Lam, N. (2024, January 15). Gen Zen: When does sharing become “trauma dumping”? here’s how to establish boundaries. TODAY. https://www.todayonline.com/singapore/gen-zen-trauma-dumping-venting-boundaries-mental-health-2341911